Tired

There are days when you are just tired. Your body is begging for more sleep and muscles seem to turn to jello. And then there are seasons when your soul is tired. Your heart has been mourning for too long and your mind refuses to focus.

Today, the two have collided. Our weekend was a marathon of meaningful and fun activities and my body is tired! Yesterday, it was announced at church that another of our friends is leaving. I already knew but my children didn't. When the announcement was made, my middle daughter began to cry. I had no idea that she would process the information so personally and so quickly. Her tears prompted my own and feelings of abandonment were strong.

My husband and I began this journey of ministry together almost ten years ago. We are just now creating a rhythm of dealing with the pain and joy of it together in a healthy way. Now, we have to help our children do the same thing. I suppose that I naively believed that ministry couldn't hurt them in the same ways that it hurts us, as adults. But twice in the last two months, my middle child has said goodbye to friends because their parents have left the church staff and begun the quiet move toward a life outside of our own.

Her pain is unbearable to my already fragile soul.

And so today, I'm just tired. My heart is tired of hurting and body is responding in kind. We are having a pajama day to savor the healing qualities of rest.