Messy Worship

Like most, if not all mothers of young children, I look forward to Sundays with mixed feelings. I long to worship, to see adults and talk with them, to think about grown-up stuff, and even to have a reason to get dressed in something that is not intended for finger paint to wash out of. But, Sundays are a challenge too. I dread the possibility of it being one of my children who yells in the middle of the prayer, “I need to go potty!” I shudder at the chance it might be one of my kids who drops their entire container of goldfish on the floor and crushes them into the carpet. There are a host of embarrassing things that can happen at church involving children and every Sunday there is a real risk that one of them will happen in our family.
But, we’ve decided that no matter what humiliating things might happen, we are going to worship. So, we get up at the crack of dawn to have everyone dressed and out the door on time. We drive 25 minutes to get there. We unload all of the stuff that comes with us- everyone’s Bible and sharing money, snacks, water cups, extra clothes (just in case), silent entertainment choices, etc.- and head in.
The Bible class hour flies by. I retrieve my children to hear stories of who wouldn’t sit in circle time to hear the Bible story and then try to piece together the story they learned from the masterpieces that are handed to me. As we make our way to the auditorium, my children break out into a run. Is it because I have cultivated little hearts that love to worship? No. It’s because their daddy is in there and they haven’t seen him since the night before. That’s a very long time to a preschooler! So, in 30 seconds or less they compete with each other to tell Daddy more stories of what might have happened getting ready, driving to church, and in Bible class.
As Chad steps up to begin worship, I try to regain some sense of order. Here’s where the real challenge is set in motion. I want to focus. I want to close my eyes and lose the stresses of the morning and the week. I want to sing and pray and set my mind on holy things. I want to think about God and feel His Spirit touch mine. My children want their snack, want to look at book, want to be held and then get down and then want to be held again. I want to teach them to worship, even with adults. But how can I do that when I’ve forgotten how to worship from lack of practice? It’s a rare Sunday that I don’t feel annoyance rise up in my throat more than once during this ritual. When do I get to worship?
It was on such a Sunday when I was about to lose my patience entirely with my two year old. She was driving me crazy! Her up and down and loud voice were more than I felt able to stand. I just wanted to worship! I felt her tug at my hand again and worked very hard not to roll my eyes at her. I looked down and she pulled me down to her level. She whispered in my ear, “I love you, Mommy!” and gave me a wet, cheese cracker tinged kiss on the cheek. While my irritation subsided immediately, it didn’t occur to me what had really happened until hours later.
I am a person who desires and seeks order. I appreciate things that are neat, clean, and come packaged in easy to carry boxes. I even want time to be appropriated. It takes a lot of effort to get everyone to church on Sunday and I want to soak up every moment of it. I feel cheated from a chance to be with God when I spend a service correcting and hushing my kids. I want them to observe others worshiping and do the same.
But what struck me that Sunday was that worship is messy. If worship is spirit touching spirit as Jesus says in John 4, then is it possible that worship is achieved when the care given my children touches their spirit? If they see Jesus in me as I meet their needs, are they being taught worship by example? Jesus says in Matthew 25 that whatever we do for the least of people is done for Him. I know from years in Sunday School that worship is more than what happens on Sunday mornings in a building. Worship is life lived in step with God; a life that is given in service of the kingdom to the glory of God. I don’t remember any time in scripture that people sat down in pews facing the person of Jesus and sang love songs to Him. Yet, God was glorified in the years Jesus was on the face of the earth. He was glorified, worshipped, in the faithful actions of His son.
Christianity is not neat and clean. We want to be changed in one hour sitting on a Sunday morning wearing our best clothes. That’s not Christianity. I have to stop seeking the perfect “worship” experience only on Sunday mornings. I have to be willing to recognize and accept Spirit touches at any time, even from cheese cracker kisses.


“Yet a time is coming and has now come when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the kind of worshipers the Father seeks. God is spirit, and his worshipers must worship in spirit and in truth.” John 4: 23-24