100

My middle daughter turned four yesterday. It is a big deal to turn four! She got to wear a “birthday princess” crown to church. She got to choose the restaurant for lunch. She got to open presents at the restaurant. She got to pick the movie that we watched after a nap. It was her day!

We have seen her growing up a lot lately. She loses control less often and when she does lose it, she get’s it back much more quickly. She is learning the beauty of doing good. She is getting better at being without her older sister at home. She really is growing up.

There is one part of her that doesn’t want to grow up. She still sucks her thumb. Sucking her thumb is her link to comfort when she is sad, scared, or tired. It provides soothing when life is more than she can handle. When used in connection to holding her blankie, sucking her thumb sets the world back on its axis.

On Thursday night, we were in the car and talking about her upcoming birthday. Most kids would be so excited about a birthday. But she said that she didn’t want to turn four. When I asked her why, she responded that she didn’t want to stop sucking her thumb. See, every year as her birthday approaches she says that she will stop sucking her thumb when she is a certain age. Then when her birthday is really here, she just can’t do it! So we talked about it some. I told her that maybe she could try to just suck her thumb in her bed once she turned four. That calmed her down and then she said this, “Mommy, I’ll be a big girl when I turn 100.”

Oh, the wisdom of a child! I could see the wheels turning in that little mind. She recognized her pattern of promising to stop and not being able to. So, she picked the biggest age she could fathom and said she would stop then!

I don’t know about you, but I do this too. I tell myself that I will be more disciplined when XYZ is over or I will stop doing something when I am a certain age. They are all excuses for not facing up to my own inability to stop sinful patterns in my own life. I wonder if I ever truly see these patterns until the consequences catch up with me? You know, I have loved to eat and hated to exercise most of my life. But the pattern didn’t raise any red flags until my clothes were getting tight!

What would happen if I took responsibility for sin before consequences caught up with me? What would happen if I took the time to stop and be aware of my own soul’s reaction to sin? What if those were consequence enough to get my attention? What if I recognized my own helplessness to stop and instead invited in the power of God to change my heart so that my behavior would follow?

Those are hard questions and make me want to say, “Lord, I’ll be a big girl when I turn 100.”

Messy Worship

Like most, if not all mothers of young children, I look forward to Sundays with mixed feelings. I long to worship, to see adults and talk with them, to think about grown-up stuff, and even to have a reason to get dressed in something that is not intended for finger paint to wash out of. But, Sundays are a challenge too. I dread the possibility of it being one of my children who yells in the middle of the prayer, “I need to go potty!” I shudder at the chance it might be one of my kids who drops their entire container of goldfish on the floor and crushes them into the carpet. There are a host of embarrassing things that can happen at church involving children and every Sunday there is a real risk that one of them will happen in our family.
But, we’ve decided that no matter what humiliating things might happen, we are going to worship. So, we get up at the crack of dawn to have everyone dressed and out the door on time. We drive 25 minutes to get there. We unload all of the stuff that comes with us- everyone’s Bible and sharing money, snacks, water cups, extra clothes (just in case), silent entertainment choices, etc.- and head in.
The Bible class hour flies by. I retrieve my children to hear stories of who wouldn’t sit in circle time to hear the Bible story and then try to piece together the story they learned from the masterpieces that are handed to me. As we make our way to the auditorium, my children break out into a run. Is it because I have cultivated little hearts that love to worship? No. It’s because their daddy is in there and they haven’t seen him since the night before. That’s a very long time to a preschooler! So, in 30 seconds or less they compete with each other to tell Daddy more stories of what might have happened getting ready, driving to church, and in Bible class.
As Chad steps up to begin worship, I try to regain some sense of order. Here’s where the real challenge is set in motion. I want to focus. I want to close my eyes and lose the stresses of the morning and the week. I want to sing and pray and set my mind on holy things. I want to think about God and feel His Spirit touch mine. My children want their snack, want to look at book, want to be held and then get down and then want to be held again. I want to teach them to worship, even with adults. But how can I do that when I’ve forgotten how to worship from lack of practice? It’s a rare Sunday that I don’t feel annoyance rise up in my throat more than once during this ritual. When do I get to worship?
It was on such a Sunday when I was about to lose my patience entirely with my two year old. She was driving me crazy! Her up and down and loud voice were more than I felt able to stand. I just wanted to worship! I felt her tug at my hand again and worked very hard not to roll my eyes at her. I looked down and she pulled me down to her level. She whispered in my ear, “I love you, Mommy!” and gave me a wet, cheese cracker tinged kiss on the cheek. While my irritation subsided immediately, it didn’t occur to me what had really happened until hours later.
I am a person who desires and seeks order. I appreciate things that are neat, clean, and come packaged in easy to carry boxes. I even want time to be appropriated. It takes a lot of effort to get everyone to church on Sunday and I want to soak up every moment of it. I feel cheated from a chance to be with God when I spend a service correcting and hushing my kids. I want them to observe others worshiping and do the same.
But what struck me that Sunday was that worship is messy. If worship is spirit touching spirit as Jesus says in John 4, then is it possible that worship is achieved when the care given my children touches their spirit? If they see Jesus in me as I meet their needs, are they being taught worship by example? Jesus says in Matthew 25 that whatever we do for the least of people is done for Him. I know from years in Sunday School that worship is more than what happens on Sunday mornings in a building. Worship is life lived in step with God; a life that is given in service of the kingdom to the glory of God. I don’t remember any time in scripture that people sat down in pews facing the person of Jesus and sang love songs to Him. Yet, God was glorified in the years Jesus was on the face of the earth. He was glorified, worshipped, in the faithful actions of His son.
Christianity is not neat and clean. We want to be changed in one hour sitting on a Sunday morning wearing our best clothes. That’s not Christianity. I have to stop seeking the perfect “worship” experience only on Sunday mornings. I have to be willing to recognize and accept Spirit touches at any time, even from cheese cracker kisses.


“Yet a time is coming and has now come when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the kind of worshipers the Father seeks. God is spirit, and his worshipers must worship in spirit and in truth.” John 4: 23-24

Seasons

Nicole Nordeman is my all time favorite song writer and singer. Her work exemplifies a woman who has spent time in the presence of God and longs to share her experience. She challenges me and encourages me all at the same time!

I love so many of her songs but today I wanted to talk about “Every Season”. The song is a beautiful story of the changing seasons in our physical world. It is also the story of a spiritual journey through summer and fall, to winter and back to spring. Here, she says it better:

Every evening sky, an invitation
To trace the patterned stars
And early in July, a celebration
For freedom that is ours
And I notice You
In children’s games
In those who watch them from the shade
Every drop of sun is full of fun and wonder
You are summer
And even when the trees have just surrendered
To the harvest time
Forfeiting their leaves in late September
And sending us inside
Still I notice You when change begins
And I am braced for colder winds
I will offer thanks for what has been and was to come
You are autumn
And everything in time and under heaven
Finally falls asleep
Wrapped in blankets white, all creation
Shivers underneath
And still I notice you
When branches crack
And in my breath on frosted glass
Even now in death, You open doors for life to enter
You are winter
And everything that’s new has bravely surfaced
Teaching us to breathe
What was frozen through is newly purposed
Turning all things green
So it is with You
And how You make me new
With every season’s change
And so it will be
As You are re-creating me
Summer, autumn, winter, spring


I’m watching summer and fall battle it out today. The cool front that came through last night collided with our warm, humid summer air and created huge thunder storms. It is raining buckets and the clashes of warm and cool air are producing amazing claps of thunder and streaks of lightning. It is a season of change.

I started praying and asking God what season I’m in spiritually. I think it is also a season of change. I feel the clashes in my soul and wonder if others can hear the thunder.

My summer seems to be giving way to autumn as well. What leaves will fall from my tree to make room for new buds? How long will it take for them to die? Does it hurt when they fall or will I be glad to let them go? Will the snow of winter last for months or just days?

I love the physical season of fall. I love the colors and the cooler weather that one can enjoy outside again. I love football games and soup. I love pumpkins and cinnamon scented candles. I love sweaters and fuzzy house shoes. I love fires in the fireplace and hot chocolate. I love fall.

Will I love the autumn of my soul just as much? I’m not sure. Will the colors flash brilliantly before they give way to brown? Will the cooler weather be enjoyable with a sweater? I don’t know what to expect.

What about you? What season do you find yourself in today?

My Magnifica

My soul magnifies the Lord;
my spirit rejoices within me,
for He has lifted me up.
The Lord has been faithful to see me,
me a simple servant,
me a doubtful slave.
The Lord has heard my cries from the lowest places;
He heard my fear,
He heard my pain.
The Lord is a tender parent to those who seek Him;
He dried my tears,
He soothed my hurt.
The Lord is a mighty general for those who follow Him;
He drove out my enemies,
He brought victory to my home.
The Lord is a gentle healer for those in His care;
He came in the night,
He repaired her need.
The Lord is a brilliant surgeon for those laid open before Him;
He cut out the darkness,
He delivered light.
The Lord is a rock for those who are weary;
He holds firm,
He lifts me up.
The Lord is a patient teacher for those will learn;
He instructs me with love,
He waits for my understanding.
My heart sings praise to the Lord of heaven and earth;
glory to our Savior,
honor to our King.
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