Good-bye

I hate that word.

My daughters would remind me right now that we don't use the word hate in our house, but today it is the only word strong enough for how I feel.

Today I said good-bye to one of the most genuine friends I have had as an adult. I watched her load her precious children in the car and drive away from an upstairs window and my heart broke again.

A little research told me that the word is derived from saying, "God be with you". Apparently, as people wrote the phrase they abbreviated it to "Goodbye". I'm enough of a word geek that this is interesting to me but it also expresses what I truly meant through my tear choked good-byes. I meant, "May God go with you and bless you and bring you dear friends. May God be a tangible presence in your life as everything is new. May God comfort you as you mourn a past life and give you excitement as you begin a new life. May you be assured that our friendship will continue even as miles separate us. May you know that God is God, in California or Texas. May we someday watch our daughters play together again."

Maybe I don't actually hate the word because I love the idea of blessing someone with the presence of God but I hate the hole in heart today. And I hate thinking about all the tomorrows that I will miss the friend who saw me through post-partum depression, job searches, and the loneliness of life in ministry.

Here's to you, Em! I love you, girl!