I knew from a very young age that this place is not my true home. I was a child that looked forward to going to heaven because that's where my daddy was. It seems a natural way for a child to express grief.
As I got older, I was still very comfortable with the idea that my allegiance was to the kingdom of heaven. Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed my life as a teenager and a young adult but I knew that I wasn't supposed to get too settled here. This was just a part of the journey, not the destination.
I don't sit well on that train of thought anymore. It's not because I am really fond of the poverty, suffering, and diasaster that mark our world. Those are just part of this existence. I'm not even that crazy about mortages, jobs, and carpool.
I want to stay here because of the people that make up my life. I want see my daughters get married and become mothers. I want to see my son become a man. I want to see all the ways that God has shaped them to become adults. I want to sit with them in the quieter years of my life and hear their stories of faith. I want to be here.
I wrestle with this idea of allegiance today as a precious family was plunged into the depths of grief this week. They know where their allegiance is and yet they must feel cheated of all those things. A mother should never bury her own son. A brother, barely a teenager, should not see his older brother and mentor in a casket. A neice shouldn't cry for a favorite uncle's lap. A sister should not have to bear such horrible news to her parents. This doesn't seem the natural order of things.
Why God? Why must it be this way? Why is death a part of life? Why do the young die before they have a chance to live their life? Why do Daddy's die and never come home to the children who miss them? Why?
How long, O LORD ? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?
How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
and every day have sorrow in my heart?
How long will my enemy triumph over me?
Look on me and answer, O LORD my God.
Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death;
my enemy will say, "I have overcome him,"
and my foes will rejoice when I fall.
But I trust in your unfailing love;
my heart rejoices in your salvation.
I will sing to the LORD,
for he has been good to me.
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I don't know the connection of how you know my sweet friends, but I have written a bit about being in and amongst that grief on my blog, as well. And, yes, as I stood next to my friend while she stroked her handsome son's head in the casket, I had all of the same questions. But later, she told me, "I'm not sad for him at all -- I am SOOOO excited for where he is! But, I am sad for me. I just want to go where he is."
I don't know WHY these things happen, but I know people of faith can brightly shine God's glory through such horrific times, and we have the hope of seeing those people again because of the redemption of the Son!
"Brothers, we do not want you to be ignorant about those who fall asleep, or to grieve like the rest of men, who have no hope." 1 Thessalonians 4:13.
May we all grieve with hope!
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