Birthdays

The fall is crazy at our house. Just days after getting everyone back to school, we celebrate two birthdays. Our middle daughter turned 5 last Tuesday. This is my favorite picture of her! Notice the two missing teeth.

Our baby turns 2 on Sunday. My goodness! How can that be possible? And why do I still have a baby belly?!?

While each individual day can drag on, time marches by so fast.

Must Reads

I want to tell you about two books that I have loved in this last month. Add them to the stack on your bedside table and let me know what you think!

Black Like Me by John Howard Griffin was written in 1960 based on experiment conducted in the fall of 1959. Mr. Griffin was a white writer living in Texas when he decided to become a black man and experience life in the deep south. Through medication he turned his skin dark and then shaved his hair to take on the identity of a black man. The book chronicles his experiences in Louisiana, Mississippi, and Georgia. Mr. Griffin changed nothing else about himself for this experiment. He kept the same name, wore the same clothes and was honest about his profession to anyone who asked. What he lived was a life so completely different from his own that he was forever changed.

The book was written strictly for social and political change but I began to think theologically about it. What must it have been like for Jesus, still being God but trapped in a human body? How lonely he must have been for home! The miracle and mystery of the incarnation leave my mind twisted up and my heart full anytime I try to contemplate them. While I can choose to be fairly empathetic, I can't ingest the sacrifice of wanting to understand another so entirely that you give up yourself.

I have mentioned before reading Renovation of the Heart by Dallas Willard. I was, in effect, dared to read this one. It was a challenging read. Mr. Willard presents so much meat in his writing that you really have to slow down and digest all that is being offered. I prefer to speed read but this one forced me to take a chapter every other day so that I could think through all that was being offered on the plate.

I took from this book the simple truth that all humans are being formed spiritually. Some humans are being shaped into the image of Christ while others are being shaped into the image of evil but all are being shaped, even those who don't believe. Whether I am conscious of it or not, I am being shaped at all times spiritually. That seems elementary I suppose but the far reaching effects are astounding! Before you jump onto the fear bandwagon that claims the importance of "see no evil, hear no evil", Willard challenges Christians to engage evil so that we come to recognize it. That one should leave you chewing for a while...

Formation

This has been a hard week. The last eight days have truly challenged me to the core. I've already told you about last Monday and the injury to middle daughter's mouth. The next day was a rare long work day for me. Wednesday was marked by another trip to the dentist. Thursday was my son's first day of school and Friday was about a broken heart and dinner guests. Saturday was lost to painting my toddler's new room, a hurricane blowing through, and a stomach bug. Sunday was engulfed in reorganizing a playroom and tending to the sick. Today was monopolized by having teeth pulled. Wow! Three of these events stand out to me because in them, I felt my soul being shaped.

Thursday was a marathon day. We had all the excitement of a first day of school (I was especially excited). But then, the girls had dance in the afternoon. After such a long week already this day stretched on forever. In the midst of mile 17 or so, my middle one responded to me with such hatred and violence that I was crushed. None of my children have ever been so angry with me. I know that you veteran moms will tell me that it is only to be expected but I was devastated. My heart broke that this child who is so like me could hate me. We weren't even fighting about something negotiable and she physically responded with anger. It took a full 24 hours for me reflect on the fact that her passion for life lends itself to ups and downs. The violence was inexcusable and was treated as such. But, she and I were both being shaped then and in the aftermath. My temper flares more readily for her than the others and she detests feeling squashed. I must constantly balance her need to be truly herself with my need to be in control. I'm trying to take that lesson to heart.

Friday was marked by our oldest coming home from first grade with heart broken by the unkind words of a classmate. His name calling and gossip left her in tears. I was so grateful for my husband's calming presence as we talked with her. Momma Bear was ready to attack. Daddy helped her seek the heart of Christ in her response. I was reminded again of my passion for these kids that I bore and my need to have that passion checked by the Spirit that is growing inside me every day. It is more important to model and impart the Way than to protect them. That lesson brings me to tears.

Finally, Sunday. The middle one woke during Saturday night, a reality that we refer to as "The Curse" in a minister's household, very sick. I stayed home with her and sent the other two with friends to church. Daddy had left very early for his longest work day of the week. I was reminded that congregational worship is at the core of my week. My soul is thirsty and the water of worshiping with the group that we call family is a unique thirst quencher. Yes, in many ways, Sunday is work day for me as well, even if the paycheck doesn't have my name on it and the job description is sketchy. But it is more than work. It is the day that I engage purposefully in being part of a community that seeks Christ. It is the day that we together profess that Christ is head of our church and our individual lives. It is the day that we put aside the struggles we face as a community and individuals to declare with one voice that Jesus is sovereign. It is the day that I am reminded of why we live this life of ministry. There is hole in my week. This is a lesson that I cherish.

In this long week, I am confident that God has been moving to create in me a heart more like Jesus'. I believe that the Spirit in me has grown to take over impulses of my human self. I know that God has been near. That is the hope that makes formation a worthwhile endeavor.

Here's is what I overheard my daughters say as they were getting ready this morning.

Older: Hurry up! We can't turn on the TV until you are dressed.

Younger: I'm trying but my PANTIES (yelled) are stuck in my skirt. Guess what? One of my new friends wears strawberry shortcake panties, too! Isn't that great?

So what is a marker of a great friendship in four year olds? Matching character panties! I was rolling on the floor laughing at this one. After I could breathe again and stopped the tears rolling down my cheeks, I wondered what markers exist for great friendships in general.

The following quote is from Dallas Willard's "Renovation of the Heart", a challenging and wonderful read.

"Love is not a feeling but a divine way of relating to others and oneself that moves through every dimension of our being and restructures our world for good.

This love reaches into every dimension of human existence: thought, feeling, body, soul, and world. Our very identity is always intermingled with others who have given us life, sustained us, walked with us and even deeply injured us."

I was blessed to spend the weekend with the kind of friends that have shaped my very identity in positive ways. We sustained one another and walked together in those formative college years. But even more, we have continued to walk together in these often confusing and challenging years of becoming wives, mothers, and professionals. I am a better woman because they walk with me. I am a mother who gives true life because they encourage me. I have been changed for good because of their influence on my life.

My identity carries those deep injuries, just as yours must. But, it also carries the love of these friends that reaches into the darkness of pain and shines the Light.

Thanks girls! I love you!

Today

I had a plan for what I was going to write today. I wanted to tell you about my wonderful weekend. But, all I can think about is today.

I left my house, already running late, at 8:45am to go to the grocery store. Little Man and I finally pulled out of the parking lot with groceries in tow at 10:45am. Yes. TWO hours later!!! We were late for a play date and had groceries in the back. After unloading just the cold stuff, we raced to our play date.

As we pulled into the park, late, I decided to favor simplicity. I took just my keys and our water and set out to enjoy time visiting with my sister in law and friend. Thirty minutes later, her phone rang with my husband's caller ID. He had been trying to reach me for sometime to report that our middle child had fallen at school.

I ditched Little Man and his car seat on his aunt and raced to school. I was greeted by a tear stained face, swollen lips and loose teeth. After hours of trying to find a pediatric dentist that was actually in the office today, we found out that the roots of at least one of her front teeth are severely damaged. It is just a waiting game now to see if they can heal.

We got her home, settled with ice, and my husband set off for work again. Homework started with the girls and then the phone rang. My husband's car had died. We rescued him, reclaimed Little Man and are now home.

I'm tired and the evening has yet to begin.