Noel

I remember the day that each of my children was born. Our oldest was born in the morning after a long, sleepless night. I remember how afraid I was both of giving birth and for her health. She came with a lot of drama as her cord was prolapsed and her heart rate kept dropping. When she was finally laid on my chest, I cried from sheer relief that she was safe.

Our second was also born in the morning. However, there had been no night of long, fearful labor. She came quickly and with much surprise! We fully expected a boy and when she arrived the doctor announced, “She’s here!” My husband and I both turned to look for the newly arrived nurse and the doctor said, “Your daughter, she’s here!” When she was laid on my chest, I cried tears of surprised joy.

Our youngest was born in the afternoon, just one more way to declare his uniqueness! He screamed his way into this world and hasn’t been too quiet since. His delivery felt routine and normal. When he was laid on my chest, I cried tears of peace.

This time of year always gets me thinking about a night, in a stable, so many years ago. A young girl gave birth to her first without the aid of her mother or sisters. Her husband must have felt very shy to be helping her in this way as he had never known her, to use the biblical term.

I always wonder how much she knew as held that baby boy. Did she love him as a child or as a God? Did she see any of her own physical traits in him? Did she truly welcome smelly shepherds as she lay exhausted and cold? How did she define her tears that night? Fear? Relief? Love? Joy?

The wonders of incarnation never cease to amaze me. I attempt to wrap my mind around God as an infant. God needing a diaper change. God hungry. God sleepy. I know infants. I’ve had a few! Really…God as a baby? He wasn’t really God at that moment was he? How could God have been a fetus? An infant? A toddler? A teenager? Flesh on divinity is wondrous and preposterous at the same time!

This time of year wraps me in arms of love; arms that had flesh on them and arms that understand the need for physical comfort. Christmas brings into fresh perspective that there is a love so strong that it would be born in a barn.

Luke 2: 4-7 So Joseph also went up from the town of Nazareth in Galilee to Judea, to Bethlehem the town of David, because he belonged to the house and line of David. He went there to register with Mary, who was pledged to be married to him and was expecting a child. While they were there, the time came for the baby to be born, and she gave birth to her firstborn, a son. She wrapped him in cloths and placed him in a manger, because there was no room for them in the inn.

Eat, Pray, Love

I love to read! I will read a lot of different genres but my favorite is fiction. I love a great story about a character that I relate to in their search for something.

So, I was shocked to LOVE Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert! Nonfiction is often exhausting to me but this book was not a burden to read. It is the spiritual memoir of a woman needing to find answers for her messed up life and broken heart. She pursues answers to the hard questions in the three "I"s: Italy, India and Indonesia.

"Eat" is in Italy where Elizabeth travels to eat great food and learn Italian, a lifelong fantasy. She pursues the gift of pleasure, trying to capture all that we Americans have missed in our effienciency of life.

"Love" is in Bali, Indonesia where Liz pursues balance in her life. Balance of pleasure and discipline. Balance of joy and pain.

But my favorite section is "Pray". Liz is in India, living in an Ashram. She makes some astounding statements regarding faith. Here are three of my favorite quotes.

Saint Augustine said, "Our whole business therefore in this life is to restore to health the eye of the heart whereby God may be seen."

How's your vision these days?

"If we truly knew all the answers in advance as to the meaning of life and the nature of God and the destiny of our souls, our belief would not be a leap of faith and it not be a courageous act of humanity; it would just be...a prudent insurance policy." page 175

I wonder if I've been pursuing insurance or faith for all of my life?

"This is what rituals are for. We do spiritual ceremonies as human beings in order to create a safe resting place for our most complicated feelings of joy or trauma, so that we don't have to haul those feelings around with us forever, weighing us down. We all need such places of ritual safekeeping. And I do believe that if your culture or tradition doesn't have the specific ritual you are craving, then you are absolutely permitted to make up a ceremony of your own devising, fixing your own broken-down emotional systems with all the do it yourself resourcefulness of a generous plumber/poet (an inside joke). If you bring the right earnestness to your homemade ceremony, God will provide the grace. And that is why we need a God." page 187

I can't even respond to this one for all that it evokes in me. But I know that I need that grace to reach out to me...all the time.

I hope that you will read this book, not because I liked it or because Oprah said to. Read it because it will challenge you to find a bigger God and a more personal voyage of faith. Let me know when you finish...I want to talk!

Peace

I love Christmastime! I love a home lit by Christmas trees and outdoor lights. I love the smells of cinnamon apples and baking cookies. I love getting cards and pictures from friends. I love spending time thinking about what gift will bring joy to people that I love.

Yesterday at church we began a series on messianic psalms, the first of which dealt with peace. I don't always associate Christmastime with peacefulness; usually I think of busyness! But, the point was that Jesus came as a peace offering to man. God made his peace with peaople. If the church is to be the hands and feet of Christ, then the church should be the peacemaker of the world. Hmm...

What does that truth say to a church whose history is full of nasty fights and splits? What does that say to us who are so likely to focus inward rather than outward? What does that say? I feel the call to be peace. I want church to be part of that effort. What does that look like? How does it work? Any ideas?

Thankful

Gratefulness seems to be a lost art. Checkers at the grocery store are astounded by a "Thank you" from customers. The bank teller was floored by my "Thanks for your help today." It seems that we have forgotten the power of being thankful. So today, in tune with the season, I want to be appreciative to the One who has created my life.

I'm thankful for my sweet husband of nine and half years. I'm thankful for our ability to laugh and work together. I'm thankful that we love spending time together. I'm thankful for our partnership in raising our kids.

I'm thankful for all three of my beautiful kids. I'm thankful for their health and vitality, even when its overwhelming. I'm thankful for all the ways they remind me of someone and for all the ways they are unique. I'm thankful their little hearts that already love God.

I'm thankful for my job. I'm thankful that I can help support our family financially while still being a full time mom. I'm thankful for the opportunity to serve and be creatively challenged by what I do professionally.

I'm thankful for our extended family. I'm thankful that they live close enough to see them regularly. I'm thankful for traditions that we share in each holiday season and for new things we do to explore the meaning of Christmas.

I'm thankful for our church. I'm thankful for the way she challenges me to live in community with those that are different. I'm thankful for a place to serve. I'm thankful for a group of people who are concerned with the spiritual health of my family.

I'm thankful for friends. I'm thankful for times to laugh together, shop together, read together. I'm thankful for the chance to be authentic and safe. I'm thankful for similarities and differences to make life richer.

I'm thankful for our home. I'm thankful for a place that is ours. I'm thankful for the lights of Christmas that surround me now. I'm thankful for the memories in every corner of this house.

I'm thankful for the journey called life. I'm thankful for the chance to grow and be changed more into the image of Jesus. I'm thankful for the ups and downs that remind me of where my true home is. I'm thankful for each passing day.

What are you thankful for?

The Gift of a Godly Woman?

I am currently writing an article by this same title. It is built around these four questions:

1. Are men superior to women?
2. Does Eve's curse still hold true for women?
3. What about the writings of Paul?
4. What should the church of today do with all of this?

I would love your feedback on any of these questions!

7:45pm

7:45pm is my favorite time of the day. The whole family is upstairs working toward children going to bed. Yes, it's a good thing that they are going to bed! However, that's not why it's my favorite time.

At 7:45, my baby boy is fresh from a bath. We are sitting in his rocking chair in a darkened room. I smell the lavender shampoo in his hair and feel his lotion softened skin. It is the only moment of the day that he is still in my lap. Together we begin to rock and put an end to a busy day.

These brief moments of almost every evening are priceless to me. As he drinks a cup full of milk, I sing. I sing lullabies in the beginning. Very often, his sisters come in wanting to help sing. And so together we sing "Jesus loves Me" and "Jesus Loves the Little Children" and "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star" and close with "God Made the Big Round Sun". The girls kiss baby brother goodnight and head to brush their teeth. The milk is gone by now and he snuggles closer, laying his head on my shoulder.

I used to stop singing at this point and just rock. But lately, little man has started singing if I don't. So, the concert goes on. I sing whatever God brings to mind. Last night it was songs from church that morning. Often, I sing songs from my days in youth group and at camp; songs that soothe a harried soul with reminders of quieter times. I always end with "Be Still and Know That I am God". I used to sing this song to myself to help me sleep. Now, I whisper these words over my little boy.

Before I lay him down in his bed, I sing a prayer over him. It is his life prayer that God gave me when he was just four months old. All the way to the door I blow kisses to that precious lump of blankets and stuffed animals.

These moments of my day are centering. I have a moment when my only job is to administer grace. And in the process, I receive it as well.

Dying

I've been thinking a lot about dying. My grandfather passed away on Thursday and we held a graveside service yesterday. Grandpa was 86 and very ready to die. He had been in poor health for years. A week before his death, he decided that was enough of hospitals and doctors. So, he was discharged from the hospital and entered into hospice care. Six days later, after seeing each of his sons, he died peacefully with his wife of 59 years by his side.

Modern medicine has taken some of the dignity out of dying. Grandpa had undergone three by-pass surgeries. They gave him more years to be sure. But the last 2 years of his life were humiliating in many ways. I wonder if there is something to be said for living fewer years with all of our pride in place? Grandpa was a humble man from the beginning. I can't imagine that pride was a strong motivator for him in any area of life. However, he was embarrassed in his last years by his inability to do even the most mundane things for himself.

LIFE. Death is a part of it. But, living should be the most of it! Life should be a plate full of rich food. Sweet and bitter, each relationship and moment brings more fullness to the flavor of another.

I don't really have a point today. I'm just meandering in thought on the questions and fears that plague all of humanity. What about you?